Learn to love yourself.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14). God knit me together in my mothers womb (Ps 139:13) and I am not a mistake. (Ps 139:15-16).

You can find the greatest love letter from God within the pages of the bible.  God wrote one to me and I choose to believe what He said.

However, I think I should see myself in positive light...So, I'm going to write a love letter to myself. I  would encourage everyone to do the same. It gives us a chance to focus on the positive aspects of ourselves without feeling the need to explain. It's not about how others perceive you or even that people may think you feel you're better. It's strictly about seeing the good in yourself. If it helps, write it how you think God, your spouse, or your best friend might look at you. This isn't about accepting or even acknowledging your flaws... Do you focus on the flaws of those you love or do you look past them? What you write about yourself may not be true 100% of the time, but rarely is it for anyone.  You cannot love yourself unless you look at yourself the way someone who loves you does. Makes sense, right?
Trust me, it's a lot harder than you'd think - and how sad that truth is. It's so easy for us to find fault in ourselves and extremely difficult to find positive aspects of our personality.

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Dear T,

I want to start off by saying your mistakes do not shape who you are, they teach you who want to become. You are more than your short comings. I've known you your entire life; I've seen you stumble and succeed. You are a great friend. You would drop anything to be there for someone who needs you.  You have an incredible and unshakeable faith.  No matter how many times you fail to become closer to God, you pick yourself back up and try again.  In a world where many do not value marriage, you hold yours sacred and would do anything to protect it and keep it safe and you cherish your spouse. While some may view this differently, you have not jumped into a career just to start making money, you are waiting for God to direct your path. You have been an example to others in the past and continue to try.  You do not care what people say about you regarding your faith, you continue on with it even if people stop liking you.  You value and love your family and those you consider friends. You have a desire to breathe life into people, and when you do not succeed you tell yourself there will be another chance. You do not blame your health for anything and would never use it as a crutch, it has made you a better and more outgoing person. It does not limit what you can do. It has given you empathy for others in difficult situations. You are truthful, loyal and kind. You are awesome and you can do anything.  You are more than what your enemies say about you.
Its okay to love yourself.  I love who you are right now and who you are becoming.  Keep striving for the person God wants you to be and you WILL succeed.


Love,
Me.

P.S. You have a great smile.
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I continuously wanted to say "well, you don't always do that, sometimes you...there were those times you..." No! Enough is enough already.  Your enemies will tell you enough about your faults, you don't have to tell yourself. Build yourself up.


Your words to yourself matter.

Spiritual Drought

Have you ever been in the midst of what feels like a downward spiral?  I like to refer to that as a spiritual drought.  We should realize we are losing sight of God long before that happens but it's not until we're slipping downward that we notice we have neglected our relationship with Him.

When our happiness is fleeting and affected by those around us, it's time to take a look at what currently matters to us versus what should matter.  While it is true family should matter and be important to us, they shouldn't matter so much that our happiness is affected by them - or anyone else. God is our sustainer and He is the One in which we can find true joy.  We're hopefully going to spend an eternity with our Creator, what happens if we can't find joy with ONLY Him while we're here on earth?  I believe God created us to come together in marriage, have family and friendships because there are needs He "can't" gratify while we're here on the earth.  Someone to physically hug for example. Equally, there are essential needs we can only acquire through Christ.

I wrote something earlier that I had no intention of sharing with anyone but I think now, maybe I should...We all have inner demons we don't want to face or share with the world.. This is mine.

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I'm laying here listening to God's creatures, feeling the wind on my skin, and wondering how I got here. How did I become dependent on others for my happiness?
Life hasn't become any more difficult than it was when I was consistently happy.  It's me that has changed, I stopped letting God fill my heart with joy and became dependent on others. How do I get back to where I was? Where is the path that gets me where I want to be? I don't want to be one of those angry people.

God, I need you. I need your guidance and help with where I'm going wrong in my life. I feel as though I'm reaching a pivotal moment, I need to make a decision to change the direction I'm headed.
Please draw near to me as I draw near to you. Help me. I'm not even looking to change myself anymore at this time.  All I need to change is my perspective and my relationship with You and the rest will follow.
When I'm sad, angry, or discouraged, I want to turn to you. I want you to be the only One I need.
Are you still there?  I feel too far gone but I know the bible says you'll always take me back.
I don't know where to begin on how I can make you my sustainer, how my happiness can come from you and therefore within myself. I'm tired of "trying" to be closer to you. I want to just do it, but how?
How do I keep myself from getting discouraged when it doesn't happen in the timing I want?

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I wrote that this morning. A little earlier I read Klove's daily verse from several days ago and it's only now that I realize it's the answer I was looking for.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. - Psalm 139:23-24

I need God to show me what I'm doing wrong and what I can do right.  I don't need worry about it myself, God will tell me and He will help me do it in His time.

As I began writing this message a song came on KLove that I needed to hear. If I had a dollar for every time I felt that way - I would be drowning in money. The song is below.  It's genius, actually.  The relationship we have with God is like falling in love. It happens when you stop trying to force it to happen by consuming your thoughts on it and wondering "How?". It's simple. When/how does falling in love occur?  Unexpectedly and merely by spending time with someone getting to know who they are and what they stand for.  The difference is when you fall in love with God there is nothing else you need to be joyous. God is the only one we should depend on for happiness.

When we find it in God it isn't fleeting and it isn't affected by those around us.  The bottom line is we have spiritual needs that we sometimes look for our spouse or friends to fulfill. We will be sorely disappointed every time.  You think "If I only had a friend to talk to", "If my spouse only did this or that", or "If I HAD a spouse, THEN...then I would be happy". God intended for us to find happiness with Him and everything else is a bonus.

Get your heart right.

10 difficult things

We all have things we have a desire to do but consistently struggle to do them.  At least, I have this problem.  I'm certain I could create a laundry list.  I'll just stick to 10 for now.

1. Praying aloud in front of others.
-- Honestly, I don't comprehend the major issue here.  Yes, it is a personal conversation between God and I, however, praying aloud is an amazing way to touch the lives of others.  But, for some reason, I still find it intimidating. It's as though my prayers don't "sound as good" as the next persons. What I have to remind myself of is a prayer from your heart is what's important. God doesn't mind what it sounds like or if we stumble over our words. The best prayer is an unrehearsed one.
2. Forgiveness
-- I even wrote a message on this.  Isn't it so fun to be angry and go through possible conversations in your head over something that makes you furious? Totally.  But, the feeling of forgiving someone and not having to worry about it anymore is immensely more rewarding.  A reminder I give myself for this is - satan loves for us to revel in our anger, he helps us create hurtful and hateful things to say and gives us a list of reasons to be angry.  He wants us to stay angry at all costs because that means he's winning. 
3. Venting to someone when you're angry with another person.
-- Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. I am terrible with this. The moment something gets me irritated I want to tell my spouse or my mother. The problem isn't so much the venting, we all need to on occasion. The issue is - if you're constantly doing this - it might make you feel better but you're bringing someone else down with your negative attitude.  Choose your battles. Wise words.
4.  Respond like a Christian.
 -- Is anyone else seeing a theme here for me? Apparently I have anger issues.  It feels so good to get a good "jab" in when you're arguing with someone. But, when I respond how I know I should I feel good in a much different and better way. I feel like I've made my Heavenly Father proud.
5. Staying close with God - all the time.
-- I don't like those times I come off of a spiritual high. I could write an entire message on this. I stop leading by example and I find myself getting further and further from God.  Having a relationship with God is like having one with anyone else. You have to spend time with Him and nurture the relationship and help it grow. We cannot expect to sit around and be close to God, we have to make an effort. Sometimes I forget that and expect God to do all the work.
6. Giving my problems to God.
-- I suppose you could lump this with venting to others.  When you're in crisis, where do you go? I desperately need to learn to lean on God instead of those he has put in my life.  We have people who love us for a purpose but God is our number one and He should be the one we call on first in distress....not as a last resort when no one else is available.  Although, I have been in places where God has left me no choice but to lean on Him. I'm grateful for those moments.  Those are glorious, honest moments with God. When you cry out in prayer for help, when you feel you have no one and nothing.
7. Take up my cross daily.
-- I'm always telling myself I will read my bible today and I always find something else to do and tell myself I will read after. Technology takes my time from Christ and for this reason I have decided to not have cable and to limit access to the internet.  But, it's difficult to follow through on. My new motto is to stop trying to do what I need and JUST DO IT!
8. Giving advice I should take myself.
-- Well, this is pretty self explanatory. I love to give advice and often have practical problem solving skills and an eye for resolutions...But, not always in my own life.  I over analyze my own issues and don't allow myself to see the simple solution.
9.  Follow through
-- I have great ideas for myself and my life but I don't always take it to the end. An example would be this blog. I thought it would be a phenomenal idea to start one and maybe I can help or inspire others, and look how often I write.
10.  Allowing the judgements others have of me - affect my self view.
-- This is the worst for me. When someone says something negative about me, I feel the need to defend my honor.  Though I realize in my mind their opinion is not the end of the world - it's difficult to brush it off and not wonder if there is some truth in what they are saying.  We should learn our faults from God, not those who do not like us.


This is not even half the things I struggle with or things I fail at (that's a whole entire list of it's own).  The only way I can change them is to ask God to show me and then take them one at a time, one day at a time. It's a slow progression but I have this inkling it will be worth it in the end.

-T