We're living breathing testimonies!

I didn't battle a life of addiction, abuse, overcome any great adversity or anything remotely close.  I never had a revelation of God on a specific date or any specific moment.  I wish I had a great story about how it all happened; how I found Jesus. There isn't one. He has just been in my heart as far back as my memory recalls. I remember being 5 and having the bible read to me and knowing it wasn't like other stories. It was different, it was serious. He's just been with me from the get go.

My life was planned to end abruptly before it began. By doctors who didn't know the power of Jesus Christ, obviously. They wanted my parents to give their signature to allow me to be taken away and essentially left to die if I happen to emerge with a heartbeat. Doctors told my parents I didn't have kidneys and wouldn't survive.  I'm glad Heavenly Father picks our parents, He knew my mother would adamantly refuse such a disturbing request.

I shocked the world. Behold! A 6 week premature, 4 pound princess LIVES! Okay, that might be a tad melodramatic.  I shocked the doctors, though.  No one knew what was wrong with me but that something was. It was years of being poked and prodded with no answers.  Yes, I remember it. No, it wasn't that bad. At age 7 I was diagnosed with Medullary Cystic Kidney Disease it was already pretty advanced from having no "treatment".  I use the term loosely, there's no cure and it's progressive with an end result of transplantation. I've suffered from literally every complication and had every symptom of the disease except comas and seizures. Lucky! I'd rather have the whole list of them then either one of those as my only symptom. At 10 my dad gave me one of his kidneys.  Thanks daddy :)

Where did you go, Jesus?
I had many complications with my transplant for various reasons.  I stayed in the hospital constantly and at 13, I stayed for 6 weeks.  This was the first time I felt God was failing me. Where was He?! He was supposed to be there. I stopped eating, drinking, laughing, walking around, and I stopped doing my favorite activities. Everyone thought I was slipping away so the doctors sent me home.  Again, no one could find the answer.  As I was truly on the verge of giving up, the doctor miraculously found the cause of my downward spiral. I was having an allergic reaction to a medication I had been taking TWO YEARS. What? Well, that's just about the most uncommon thing I've heard.

On fire or.... wait, no maybe not?
God was there the whole time. Just when I was about to give up, I was healed.  He needed to bring me to my knees.  Does he have my attention yet? Uhm, yes!  This situation would make my heart grow for God and know that I can trust Him and rely on Him for everything.  It strengthened my faith even more.  I was God's girl to the core.

As soon as I was old enough my brother started taking me to youth group.  My faith blossomed even more. We went to countless meetings and retreats and my heart was on fire.  Just as quickly as it came on, it left. I had to move. I moved to Europe, without either of my brothers and without any friends - I lost the fire.  I still considered myself a Christian, but I wasn't sharing God's word.  I was a dormant Christian.

Dormant Christian.
I stayed what I like to refer to as dormant for several years. After high school I started dating a boy and let college fall to the wayside. During the relationship, I wanted to be on fire again. I felt the desire for it and I wanted it badly. My boyfriend didn't feel the same. Instead of leaving the relationship to follow my King, I lingered a while until he broke it off.  I was devastated.  I ignored all signs of the impending doom of the relationship, I held onto it with a deadly grip.  I was suffocating myself and the relationship.  I started to pray. Intense prayers. At first, "God please make it work, help me change".  Then, "Help him change. If he just found you again, everything would be okay".  After months of no change a stranger gave me a letter from God. Verses from the bible strategically formed together to create a love letter from our Creator. (Hear what it said)  The letter made me want an intimate relationship with my Savior much, much more and I knew I needed to do what He wanted of me to get there.

Praying God's will, not your own.
My prayers changed immediately.  "God, please give me an obvious and swift kick in the right direction. Please, end this if it's wrong. What ever you have planned for me, I want it". Shortly after is when he broke it off. Enter God like I've never seen Him before.  He was close to me, He was by my side every minute. Just like He promised He would be. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.  Psalm 34:18

I learned that God always comes through on His promises. Even as I sit here typing this God has never let me down. Ever. We can always count on our Heavenly Father. Although it was a painful process I discovered love can't be held onto, a loose grip or an absurdly tight one. Love has to be given freely and you can't change your mold to make someone love you. God already created your mold, it's perfect the way it is. All you can do is change to fit the mold that was made for you. Does that make sense? You can add more paint to change the color, but you can't change the overall image.
 
Although God was with me, I felt sucked dry of love and all emotion.  I prayed He would not allow me to give my heart to another person unless that person was going to protect it.  I prayed that I would become the person he was looking for and that I would be ready if I ever found him. I prayed for what integrity and faith he would have. I prayed that I would know it was okay to give THIS person my heart because he would cherish it.  I'm so thankful I wrote all these prayers...sometimes it takes a while to see how God has answered them.

Everything changed
At 22 my husband entered the picture.  Just like I asked, I knew THIS person is someone special. He was everything I prayed for and so much more.If you ask anything in my name, I will do it. John 14:14
Meeting Daniel was and is the best thing that's still happening to me.  He has helped me renew my fire for God as I've done for him. It was obvious from the start but has been confirmed time after time.

This in my humble opinion is the best part.

3 months after our wedding he deployed for the second time.  Something inside me knew prayer was going to be VERY important this time.  I've always had an incorrect image of prayer.  I thought, what difference does it make if I pray? Whatever is destined to happen is going to happen regardless.  Ohh how I have looked it at it so incorrectly!

I prayed fervently for the first time in my life. I was in constant prayer - on my knees, sobbing, heart felt prayers. I didn't know what, but I knew something was coming.

I sent countless letters, with prayers and bible verses and encouraging words and pretty pointless ones about life back home.  Each time we received a letter from the other, we were in awe at how The Almighty was working in our lives.  We were writing THE SAME VERSES to each other.  I was talking to my friend about tithing, how I think I should start but wasn't sure how my husband would feel.  I opened a letter moments later that had been in my hands. He wrote we should tithe!

This continued until it happened.  I received the phone call of my life. It was around 11 am 3 June 2011. I knew the moment he said hello there was something wrong and I started to sweat.  He had been shot.  All the blood rushed to my head and I exploded into tears. I thought he was dying and wanted to talk one last time. He said he was okay but I didn't believe him.  Directly after, Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side came on and I just cried even more.  This song had gotten me through first deployment and I hadn't heard it again until after he left the second time.  Every time it came on was a moment I was sickened with worry and it was like God was hugging me telling me it was okay. So, when it came on I couldn't control myself.

He had turned his upper body right before getting shot.  If he hadn't done that, he would have been shot in the heart. I threw myself on the ground and thanked God repeatedly, I don't even know how long this went on. I have never been more grateful for anything in my entire life. I appreciate every moment I have with him.

This next deployment will be scarier than the others because of what happened but I already know what my lesson will be this year.  Putting my trust in my faith.

The last thing I have to share is this:

I've been told I can never have children and that has never phased me. I've never wanted to have children. I love being an auntie and I've been 100% satisfied with that.
God's plan of my life has never coincided with Doctors so it shouldn't have surprised me when I went to the ER for other problems and was told I was pregnant....

We tried to process what this meant.  It was going to be a very dangerous and high risk pregnancy, it could result in my death, the baby's or both. The doctor suggested for safety to abort the baby. I'll be honest I wanted to punch him in the face.  This is part of a grander plan and I'm not going to stop it from running the course He planned for it.

We started calling everyone, thinking that would get us excited. It did. It was always in the back of our minds this could end tragically. We tried to focus on the excitement of it all. Unfortunately, it was short lived.  In my second trimester I experienced what every woman fears.  "We can't find the heartbeat". He said I could just have another one. Me wanting to punch doctors in the face was starting to become a theme.

I couldn't comprehend why God would give us something we didn't want only to make us want it and take it away. I was angry. I don't think I understand the capacity of it yet even still. But, I do know if it hadn't happened we would still be thinking we didn't want to be parents.  Now, I can't think of a greater joy. That alone is all I need. My story is still in progress. I know He is working on it all coming together even right now.
For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11



I didn't battle a life of addiction, abuse, overcome any great adversity or anything remotely close... So, I don't usually share my story. However, I realized not being ashamed of our testimonies includes even the ones we feel are insignificant.  Our stories are never too small!  No matter what it is He can use it to the good for those that love Him.

Every trial leads us to a new revelation of how much we're loved and that we can rely on the Savior for anything and everything. When you feel like the world is crushing you, lean on the One who's always waiting with open arms to comfort you.
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
No matter what happens in my life, I love Him and will follow Him until I meet Him in the sky. What about you?








-T